As I begin my certification for being a doula, I am finding a resistance.  However, in the past, it would have been expected people would have a resistance to a home/natural birth. I find now, however, that resistance is an acceptance by doulas to hospital and medicated births.
Now, I don’t believe births have to be a medical procedure all the time.  Women have been giving birth for so much longer then hospitals have existed. There are definitely times when a hospital birth is absolutely necessary.
 I think I’m going to find resistance within the doula community toward helping women who want a hospital birth, who don’t want to do it “naturally.
But some straight up say, “I will not work with a woman who wants an epidural”, and “how can a mother feel like a true woman if they used pain medicine when delivering?” Or “what if I don’t want my client using pitocin?”
Well, it’s not your decision to make.
 I also have a problem with calling a home birth, in a portable tub natural.  I feel more comfortable saying “unmedicated” birth. If a woman wants a natural birth, she should go to work in the rice paddies, go birth her baby in the woods and then go back to the rice paddie 2 hours later (this was in the book The Good Earth).
As with people on both sides on a discussion, there will be facts which are completely wrong believe by each side. I am amazed by how many people have some scary misinformation about hospital births. But I do admit I come from the other side, I have no kids and as I said with my mom as a nurse, I see the medical side more and I worked for a fetal heart monitoring expert here for years (as her personal assistant) she did a lot of expert witnessing for court cases, and seeing all that can go wrong when doctors, nurse midwives, lay midwives, nurses, basically anyone who isn’t careful enough.
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I don’t think birthing has to be a medical procedure. But some women feel more comfortable with the idea of being in a hospital and in the end, I want to be there for whatever my client wants, as long as it’s safe, legal and will give the mother the most positive experience for her birth story.

I’m beginning my certification with DONA to become a doula, again. I first started this certification in 2004, however, I moved to Boston and never finished. 

So far I am finding my views are wildly different from other doula and soon-to-be-doulas. As I look around and listen to them talk, I appear to be one of the few who is ok with epidurals, and hospital births.

Let’s not be mistaken, I am also fine with unmedicated and home births as well.

However, the woman would like to birth, I figure. If they’re not planning on eating their baby (placenta is ok) then I’ll be there to help.

I will be back soon to elaborate.

To disclose to an ex that you are seeing someone? Especially, when said ex (me) is genuinely happy that the other ex (him) is seeing someone.

Do we pretend our lives ended once we left one another?

Perhaps.

Our lives together have ended. But our separate lives go on, hopefully we’ll both meet someone who, now that we’ve each learned ten years of lessons, will benefit from that, as will each of us.

He still wears the clothing I gave him (basically every awesome t-shirt he owns), he wears them when out with his new person. There are parts of our pasts we obviously can’t erase and they will bleed into one another.

I still wear a necklace he gave me, and I wear it all the time so it’s inevitable that my new interests won’t see it. Maybe ask about it. And I’ll say where it came from. To be with me, is to accept my past

I would hope anyone he chooses to be with, accepts that I once sat on that couch (I bought that couch), bought that Psycho shower curtain, slept on her side of the bed, that parts of me remain there.

Why the lack of honesty about where our lives are going?

That hurts much more than making believe there is no one else.

How does one learn to be happy after a major crisis?  or many?  If I add up the number of stressors I’ve had in the past 8 months, from the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, I have a total of 346.

I read that people underestimate themselves in times of duress. I think this is true. Mainly, because I am here writing this.

And I know my overall situation isn’t all that unusual, but feeling as if I’m starting completely over at 31 is daunting to say the least.

When does that pain start to ebb? I guess it slowly has, but still it’ll hit at the worst times, merging on the freeway, for example and all I can do to keep from crying, well, I don’t keep from crying. So there is that.

Sadness arrives and shouldn’t my poetic resources be spilling like crazy? Instead it’s an uncorked bottle of anxiety and depression. And wondering if those I left behind are happier without me in their life.

What started as just a silly film about quirky girl meets neurotic uptight dude, turned into a refreshing approach to relationships. These two decide within six hours to get married, and end up married, divorced, and married again.  After realizing that marriage is not a fail safe, be-all-end-all. Perhaps they want to be together, but unmarried. They divorce again.

IraandAbby

Ira and Abby realize that perhaps couples aren’t meant to be together forever.  And that isn’t a bad thing.  Just realistic.

Ira: Maybe marriage is just a fad, with an unusally long lifespan….
Abby: Like bottled water
Ira: or man-sandals…

It seems anytime I’ve considered marriage, it’s always because “everyone’s doing it,”  “it’s the next step.”  But what about keeping that option open that perhaps you don’t want to be bound to someone forever, or pulling off the legal red tape to unstick yourselves from one another?

And perhaps for those of us who do want it ,deciding to marry within the first few hours of knowing on another, might make the most sense.  Why not get hitched while you still have that heady-oh-my-god-I-can’t-get-enough-of-you feeling instead of waiting around and doing it as “the next stage of life” ? Go into it while the adrenaline, endorphins and dopamine are charging through your brain!

Ira and Abby seemed to have it figured out.  Enjoy the rush of marriage, with the rush of first finding out you are in love, then as it becomes comfortable, divorce and live contentedly while still acknowledging the happiness together, may not last forever.

There are many reasons, of course, but when I asked her to explain

“chronotopes” to me:

“Always happy to oblige…the chronotope, according to its coiner–Bakhtin– is the literary expression of the ratio between the real biographical time of an event and its representation in fiction. If something is very brief in the real world, but takes up a lot of time in fiction, then it’s probably very important and rises to the status of a “chronotope.” One of my students used The Real World as a way of explaining it. The producers film and film and film, but the only things that are really interesting are people going in and out of doors, partying, and puking. I doubt Bakhtin would have liked the chronotope of the hot-tub, but it appears to have descriptive validity when talking about MTV.”

Bakhtin

Bakhtin

Listening to music is something I do all the time. The last week and half, I had little time for listening to music.  Once I finally put my headphones on, I realized how much I need to lose myself in songs.  Apparently, this is has become a way of letting go or calming down.  I love songs that continually break my heart.  I don’t particularly want a real broken heart, but I suppose a broken heart by proxy makes me feel more open to the world? I’m not quite sure.

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